bobthebadger: (Default)
I'd seen a few notes on the net for the last 24 hours or so.  Didn't think much of it - some sort of mass effort or something I'm sure.

I've been busy all day - cleaning up things, going through boxes and papers trying to put some sort of wrap around an ending to part of my life. Phone hadn't rang that much - a little odd all things considered but I haven't left the house - just to busy.

Everyone is off and I'm alone in the house for the first ime in a very long time.  So, call me a sissy - I have the doors locked.  Glad I did not - started to hear the occasional sound from oustide. Like something hitting the door.  Figured the cat was being a putz again - until I looked over and saw Max sitting on the couch and just staring at the door.

Maybe my childish paranoia - it might have saved my life.  i can't get through on the phone to most folks - I know its late, but I'm nervous.

See - the teenagers outside.  I don't think they're alive anymore.  Guess it could be a joke - but the blood looked real enough.  The noises they're making reminds me of the movies.  And I think they just attacked one of the boys friends - he was on a bike.  Three of them .. just jumpted him. Knocking him down and it looked like they were biting him.

The news - there is that annoying sound with the test messsae - but it didn't say test.  Says to stay inside due to "police activity".  Blaming things on a riot.  In Alaska?

I've been looking around the web.  A lot of folks are reporting this, all over the country.

I'm wishing I had a shotgun.  I hope you're all okay.  Someone let me know if they hear anythign definite.  I'm going to go see if I have enough supplies to block the windows.

I hear them outside again. Scratching. Pounding.  I think there are more of them now.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Hmm... interesting
And cut for length )
bobthebadger: (Default)
Probably because I'm just feeling to ... burned out on life to truely say anything of any worth.

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd
 

You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~

Literature Nerd
 
Musician
 
Drama Nerd
 
Science/Math Nerd
 
Artistic Nerd
 
Social Nerd
 
Anime Nerd
 
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace
bobthebadger: (Default)
I'm really in a place that i am not sure what to do with.  For the third time this week I've "lost time".  Came home, started the evening routine.  Set up my computer, turned the boob tube on so it made noise to numb the mind - and I don't remember the next hour or so.

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made otta uscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that a-weak and a back that' strong."

Pain was what disturbed me, I think.  Pain in my ankle because I was somehow laying half on the bed, foot resting on the wall and my head half laying on my laptop bag.  I was laying on the bed.  My thoughts immediately started ... in line with the ongoing dialog that had started as I walked in the door.

You load sixteen tons, whadaya get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store."

It is not exactly depression.  I'm not depressed really at all - laugh all the time, can see a lot of joy in life - I'm just tired.  I don't sleep, I can't wake up - but I'm tired.  Bone tired, mind tired but even more so - tired in my soul.


I've been doing some creative writing - I think its some of what has kept me focused.  Talked with friends a bit - they make me feel alive even when its just a brief note, or exchanged word.  I feel like I am complaining all the time.

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the Straw bos said "Well a-bless my soul"

I have lost myself - so badly that even though I am supposedly "taking steps" to yank myself out of the pit I've made for myself by ... doing the right thing - that I sometimes wonder if I will ever wake up.

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

How can work that is so far from physical that its amazing there is any tone to any parts of my body at all be so draining?  How can I allow myself to get to a point that I care what some anal retentive prick "thinks is the right way" that it puts me off most of the day?

I was born one monrin', it was drizzlin' rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the banebrake by an ol' mama lion
Ain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

Its odd sometimes. When you're at a place in life and some fairly "mindless" piece of entertainment appears on a glowing cancer screen.  And you're reminded again of the things you value in life.  Somewhere, hidden so far at times that even I can't see it - is me.
I load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't youcall me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I blinked, didn't watch? Who knows. I let myself fall too far over that razor's edge of "working for a living/success to allow yourself freedom" and "being sucked into a soul sucking void."  Its not new for me - I've been "successful" now what, 4? 5 times after starting over with nothing again?    Problem is - this time I don't FEEL like starting completely over - but, I think thats just a trap.

If you see me comin', better step aside
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don't a-get you
Then the left one will

Joe verses the Volcano.  I've always loved this movie.  Some of made fun of me for it - it is far from the most popular thing in the world.  But I think it has a lot of important, simple things to say - without being pretentious. 

The "opening song" has been a favorite since I can remember - I used to sing that song when I was six.  At different times, I've found myself humming it, the words running through my mind.  The song brings me strength, a renewed sense of vigor. 
You load sixten tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store


I have nothing to compare to it - I've worked manual labor only a few times in my life - funny thing is - even when it was dirty, horrid work, looking back I was .. content doing that work.  I love being out in the world.  Problem is - if I'm "skilled" beyond just passable with anything, its "Systems" and Computers in particular. 

And - even though I had a burst of energy - I'm running out of steam.  Again, I've started to write something only to find myself running out of steam, direction.  ALMOST to the point where I can "close" and I lose it.



It is truly a wonder that I have ever managed to get laid in my life.  I suck at the closing.


bobthebadger: (Badger)
Snagged from [livejournal.com profile] blusafyre

Taxes )
bobthebadger: (Default)

View Bob The Badger’s Blog

I'm working at getting back at noting my thoughts. I'm planning on working back up to writing regularly.


» Read more on Vox


bobthebadger: (Default)

View Bob The Badger’s Blog

Read a bit about this in the past. Decided to take a look at it today. Honestly I may start using it more than LiveJournal - Its an interesting mix of "media" options with a traditional "blog".


» Read more on Vox


bobthebadger: (Default)
Haven't been posting much - been feeling a bit meh and not wanting to ring in the New Year like that etc.

Hope everyone had a safe and at least pleasant holiday.
bobthebadger: (Default)
The below meme/test thing is amusing in more ways than one.

I recently started to look into books again on Tantric "Yoga". I'm looking for information more complete than what I studied in my younger days - something more traditional.


You said I should start wearing robes? )


So. Laugh those that know what I'm talking about. I did too.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Something on the TV just ... penetrated the fog.

"Enjoy this wonderful day. We get so few of them."

I bitch and whine to much. Doesn't really matter that I'm tired, over worked, hate the cold - whatever. If the sun is shinning, or I hear a good joke or a friend has a great day - remember that instead.

So. Its a wonderful day.

Meh, Day 4.

Nov. 9th, 2006 12:58 pm
bobthebadger: (Dominant - Lochai)
Well. Day four of no rants, no introspective insight. Had a few, didn't put them to paper or screen.

Everyone I know is pursing their "art", one form or another. Its awesome.

And I'm jealous. Well, not realy. But sort of.

Only I can make changes in my life. Only I can control the misery or happiness. And, I'm apparently choosing misery for some reason.

No one to blame but myself.


Interesting MEME / Quiz thing )

LIES!!!

Oct. 13th, 2006 02:57 pm
bobthebadger: (Dominant - Lochai)
Cupid - Free Online Dating and Match

MeMe Alert

Oct. 13th, 2006 01:39 pm
bobthebadger: (Default)
What type are you? )

Moods

Sep. 30th, 2006 08:11 pm
bobthebadger: (Default)
Hate it when a bad mood sinks its claws into you - when there is really no reason for it. No matter what I do today - I can't shake it. I am miserable. A pain to deal with and a bit of an ass.

Don't know why at all.

Oh well. Just wanted to get that off my chest.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Daizzymegs - caught you in IM's, but - Happy Birthday. 1/4 Century. Milestone and all that. Hope you find a way to make it your day.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Many of you - without my asking, or giving your permission in any direct way - have .. taken positions you may be unaware of in my life.

Some may find it odd - but in many things in life I feel like I am again a student.

Thank you my frends.

Pablo Neruda )

Sweetie!!

Sep. 6th, 2006 11:17 pm
bobthebadger: (The Kiss)
I have been trying to figure out where I picked up my "Sweetie" habit.

Honestly, I think it was here - Devil's Panties.

I HAVE read some of these before, and honestly - I think this is the one that encouraged me to engage in behavior that might get me killed. Because I'm stupid that way.

And, because its one of my .. pet peeves. Cries against PC abound - but, don't you dare call a woman/lady/girl an affectionate term of endearment. It means you somehow think less of her.

I do not call "everyone" Sweetie. Only those that ARE - or at least enough that they make me comfortable. Telling me not to be polite with Ma'am, Miss or Young Lady (only used that on REALLY young Teenagers - I'm not THAT old yet) is just plain rude. As rude as those that snear when I open doors for them.

And what is the point of this rant? In a mood, don't feel like going on about real issues.

So - you get a half-assed rant whatever.

I wonder if Red Bull and Melon rum tastes decent?
bobthebadger: (Default)
Hehe.. okay. So I didn't feel like getting all thoughtful.

What Color is your personality --- Meme )
bobthebadger: (Default)
He opened his soup, reached for the pepper and immediately dumped several good shakes into the cup. It followed with just a dash of salt.

It annoyed me. He had not even tasted it, just went right for the two standard seasonings. How can he possibly know it needed it? This has annoyed me, in one of those little pet peeve ways my whole life. I've never said anything to him about it.

As I turned my head so did my father. The reflection from the polished metal award on my desk was pretty clear.

....

6 Facts..

Jul. 30th, 2006 11:15 am
bobthebadger: (Default)
I was asked, and decided to reply.

1) I procrastinate. At an almost professional level. I have mastered the art of time compression to make up for this.
2) I don't sleep much. Some, by nature. Some by choice. And some, see number 1.
3) I rarely feel guilt. Regret, yes. Sometimes to much. But guilt is something I've never really understood.
4) I am a jack of all interests, master of none. I used to delve deep into my interests. I think I've forgotten how to learn anything but the surface of anything.
5) I think I'm horribly fat. I never thought of myself that way when I was morbidly obese, but now all I see when I look in the mirror is fat.
6) I want to be a techno-nerd farmer.

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