bobthebadger: (Default)
Realizes he's not supposed to 'keep score', but is really sick of everyone around him being able to live impulsive, fly with the wind and change at a moment plans, while he has to constantly adjust his own plans and life because he's stupid and try's to 'be there' for others and usually ends up paying in real terms and in broader, even more affecting ways.

And now - I'm on on the internet spewing.

I'm just filled with Tiger Blood!

Winning!
bobthebadger: (Badger)
I know its nothing new. I've been seeing others complain about the "friends" security model all the years I've been here. It really is a nice warm fuzzy thought that everyone is everyones friends - but most of us are 'followers', or 'interested parties' or ... whatever.

Why can't we have something in-between open and friends? Why can't there be a support for acknowledging those that 'follow' someone because they find them interesting, their public posts intriguing etc. and would allow a two way 'linking' of following status, but not automatically get access to those things we only want to share with our friends?

That's the model I'd like to see. Yes, I can 'sort of' do that with Tags and groups, but the management of groups blows. There is no way I can go in and "re-flag" all those messages I've set to 'Sex' or 'Alaska' or 'Family' to something else if I decide to re-organize, or change my mind about who I want to see what part of my life.

Guess I'd be happy with Groups if there was better management tools. And no - I'm not enough of a programmer to make my own.


Okay ..rant off.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Not that it really matters, nor is it a dig at 'any one person' because in the last few weeks it seems almost like an epidemic - but then, doesn't everything in any social media? The whole Gestalt mind and all that.

There seems a big movement afoot to "retake back Live Journal". Now, this in and of itself is not something bad at all, I am fully behind the revitalization of Live Journal over things like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter (though I still don't think of Twitter as being anything like the same Media) as a means of actually having discussions.

What is getting to me is that it seems that the way a large number of folks are 'taking things back' is by trimming friends lists, going 'all friends only' etc. This makes no sense to me because one of the things that MADE Live Journal great over the years was the ability to get to know someone (or just lurk) through public posts etc.

Live Journal has come a long way with giving us tools to control and 'hide' the things that one doesn't want public. And some would say I'm a hypocrite - I have had a 'friend locked' Journal for years, my original one. This is mostly because I was too lazy to go back and flag older messages the right way, and back in the day I definitely posted things I wouldn't want to just show up in any Google search.

But - I intend to fix that. I had actually 'revived' that account (and will probably cross post this) recently. I've been feeling my own lack of participation has been contributing directly to the decline of LJ. If only a few post or discuss (and now there are so many tools to control the trolls - I really need to get past my ... distaste of the unpleasant folks) what excuse is there really?


Well... another mind burp, brain fart rambling post from Ferret. Or Bob. Guess it depends on who you are.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I really don't think that many folks "watch what I write" these days - especially as its been getting to be less and less. Generally, its woe is me crap as I continue the ever present life cycle of investing myself completely in others, only to find them upset about one decision or another of mine.

Not that I challenge anyone's right and even encourage them to do what they need - I just don't understand completely severing relationships that don't require direct interaction with elements of my life that are frowned upon.

But ... everyone has their lines. Everyone has the thigns they need, and while I don't always understand, while I do't always agree - I support it in principle.

Or some crap.

On an unrelated subject, and because I keep being hounded that I have to have an opinion on it - being in Arizona and all that - here is a link to something that someone much better than I on getting a coherent thought otu into words has done.

http://azstarnet.com/article_f9cf8a82-267b-5c7a-be76-08524a9f5297.html

And that is all I'm going to say on the subject... well, for now.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I'm no longer a young man. I'm coming up on one of the "marker" birthdays. I don't really care. Actually, if I am being truthful, I'm actually feeling pretty down about it. Which is a strange thing honestly for me because I usually don't care about birthdays. Age is relative and all that shit.

But it is a lie when you realize that you do care. That you've wasted many a year. That you're always saying "I'll get to that." Better yet is, yes, I am going to do that. I will change.

I lie. Constantly. I know, rare indeed is the person who never lies about anything. But most folks do not make it a habit to lie to themselves. Constantly.

Some call it self confidence. Others, Arrogance. All nice ideas, but its lying. Plain and simple.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm always robbing Peter to pay Paul. I'm constantly going to "do that tomorrow". And I remember nothing.

And - now I'm not even sure what I was doing with this post.

Guess I'll go to bed. And write more tomorrow.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I will be SO happy after the Election is done (for the next bit). I really don't care who wins, what party "comes out ahead" or anything else. I'm so SICK of political ads. I'm so sick of hearing nothing new AT ALL. I'm tired of hearing "total reversals" on the exact same issues - and both parties seeming to have flip flopped.

"Don't vote mad!" from the party that made that a battle cry for years, and doesn't like it being turned on themselves.

I think that was the one that had me grabbing the bridge of my nose and just squeezing.

Sick of it all. It doesn't REALLY matter who ends up in office. I mean really. I've seen so little "real change" over the last decade that wasn't predictable (I know - I'm not toeing the popular line that advances in personal liberties are totally a revolution, a victory over the Establishment .. blah blah blah).

Of course, I'm also sick, tired and dealing with crap in "RL" that has me to the point that I tend not to see outside of what is personally in my face.

So .. yeah. I can't WAIT until I don't have to listen to another friggin Political ad. Well, for a year or so.

Maybe I should just go Luddite.
bobthebadger: (Default)
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Please. This type of question, with the phrasing that plainly lays out the implication that it is impossible for "mankind to advance" unless it turns away from technology seems incredibly "Luddite" to me.

And this is when I look up - notice the "subject line" and just shake my head.

Any comment I have is pretty much .. pointless.

No. And No.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Anyone Type A personalities out there also "Procrastinators"? Any books/methods you've used to successfully assist yourselves in "resetting" your behaviors to the ones that you KNOW are better for you? I'd be very interested in it.


Being a perpetual procrastinator does nothing to assist in attempting to get over things like ... procrastination. It isn't helped by the fact that I AM overstressed, overworked - and do not do enough activities / hobbies that are things I enjoy doing. But that is because I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of Stress/work - De-stress - back to work.

Its not that work is just Work. I have found that I approach many things in my life in the same fashion - I ENJOY "over working my brain". Most of my Hobbies, pleasures in life etc. involve DEEP mind involvement, troubleshooting and concentration - to the point that I end up burned out and "vegging out" as in doing an almost complete shutdown and end up staring at Movies/TV/stupid internet sites - not that I'm SO into either of these things that I HAVE to do it, or even being up there as one of my "favorite" uses of my time vs. least stressful / I don't have to think/engage etc.

So I'm free to jump back into things and over do it again until I'm almost incapable of functioning.

Its easier for me to see these things when I CAN blame it on Work - easy to see the over extension when you're putting in 70+ hour weeks, phone calls at 2 am etc. But it isn't JUST when I'm working like that. And I HATE sleeping. But, I've lost productivity as I have aged with my late nights - so I'm just staying up "accomplishing nothing".

Well balls. There is yet another whining boring post.
bobthebadger: (Default)
This was supposed to be my "alternate" LJ account, the one not everyone knew about, that the family and friends wouldn't examine - and then I pretty much add everyone on Ferret to this one, and stop posting.

I've told myself I wasn't going to whine anymore about life - so, I write nothing on my "life" journal, and find myself creatively dead so write nothing here.

Bleh... nevermind.

I had a few things and as I typed - just said no. I'm just ... tired of it all.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I am ripping through tasks today.  Rocking out - headphones on and ignoring a lot of crap.

Its no mystery to most - but, I've allowed myself to (again) disconnect so much from what is actually "living" for me.  It isn't a matter of WHAT music it is (So, I like 80's, "rock" music, even Country.  I also like Artsy crap - but sometimes I LOVE the music that was popular when I was a teenager.  Sue me.), just there there is SOMETHING there that isn't grating on me and I can just focus on what is in front of my eyes, in my brain - and the notes are ripping through me.

So - I'm actually making a dent in the backlog of crap that I've let myself get behind on while I "flail" in the Chaos.

Transference of Depression and Darkness to productivity?  Probably.  Don't Care.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I'm amused at how we prioritize our decisions, making huge statements in life that "this one" is more important than that one. And, not satisfied with making such broad brush strokes for ourselves, declare some decisions BIG ONES for everyone.

And, like so many other things among the hive mind that is humanity, those that disagree about the importance of one decision or the other are slapped with a variety of labels.

I'm so sick of hearing from all directions that the decisions I make over the next several months have any more or less importance than the ones I make everyday, all because "everyone says so".


And, I'm deciding now to just drop this whole line of thought as my whole ... desire to even attempt to put any of this to paper has fled.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I am finding I love the Dry Heat. The Sunshine - makes me feel alive sometimes. I actually just find myself outside walking along, looking at lizards, birds and other things - and feeling things just ... alive.

I'm starting to be much better at managing stress - because there will always be some, and I have let myself get far to sucked into the stupidities of life.

Working on getting out - I can feel the oppressive looming of the whole "agoraphobia" crap and I refuse to be a prisoner of anxiety and bull shit I don't have the time for.

Pretty lame update - but I've been getting nudges and such that I don't post at all.


Just got back from a few days at Microsoft Training Camp. It was interesting. I wish it hadn't been such a geek trip and I'd hd money and time to go explore LA. I was in a really LAME part of Santa Ana. Kind of like, a commerical district with just hotels and nothing within walking distance.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I apologize for not being around for those that keep track of these things.  For not commenting often, or writing myself.  I've been fairly .. voyeuristic lately as I'd grown very tired of just bitching and whining about things I was not doing anything about.

So - I'll work on being around more often again.  I've missed the interaction.

- C
bobthebadger: (Default)
I'd wanted to take part in BLITEOTW but life decided to continue with its "crazy" and I was never able to continue.

Grandfather has passed.  The Apartment is moved.  I'm still breathing and the family is doing okay.
bobthebadger: (Default)
Getting to Tucson from Phoenix took forever last night. Yes, it was after midnight when I set out, but I was feeling pretty ticked off when I hit the road construction at that hour.  I cursed, and swore - and tried not to rubberneck when I passed all the flashing lights off to the side.

I was a bit embarrassed I admit  at my reaction once I saw the collapse of the ramp.  It looks like there was a bad accident or something, but we were being waved past. 

I think there were several injured - I saw several folks who appeared dazed stumbling about.  One I saw just before driving past seemed to stumble right into the arms of the paramedics and I hear screams - they sounded terrible. 

All the closed I would have normally taken were closed - so I went up through northwest - dark, quiet.  I admit I was getting pretty tired.  There seemed to be a lot of emergency lights though.

This morning, things are strangely quiet.  Not as much traffic as I'd expected and it seems there are a lot of folks out.  Haven't heard of folks calling in though. 

I'm going to walk over to the cafeteria I think, see if I can get a bead on the gossip.
bobthebadger: (Default)
I should probably make a filter.

Red Bull Count, Last Several Days.

(I always reduce on the weekend -IF I am not getting up and doing anything. But, If I do cut back, I sleep in to all hours.)

4/24 - 5 (One Sugared)
4/25 - 5
4/26 (Sat) - 2
4/27 (Sun) - 2
4/28 (Mon) - 3 (one in the evening)

I've had one today, my wake up drink. Perhaps I'll start tracking everything I drink. Honestly, I should just hall out my FitDay program again and make this a complete "fitness" effort.
bobthebadger: (Default)
This is a rare (these days) "open post.

I have an addiction issue with Sugar Free Red Bull.  I've always laughed about it, grinned at people and generally approached it with the same humor folks give to coffee and such - but it really isn't funny at all.

Something that is ignored when you develop a dependency on an addictive substance is how much impact it has on your enjoyment of other similar things.  I love Tea, especially finer quality ones.  I haven't finished a good cup of tea in months, and I've been out of Monkey Picked now .. for a long time.

When I say I have a red bull addition, folks are thinking have one a day.  Its worse than that.  Its been ratcheting upward I'd say since sometime in Savannah - now, I'm thinking I'll be doing good if I can ween myself off to one a day.

And I'm trying. My wife is trying to limit my consumption - but please.  Hereon and Coke addicts manage to get their fixes past concerned persons and its illegal.  Its no problem at all for me to acquire a fix if I get the shakes - or the need.

And that is what has woke me up to things.  I haven't been sleeping very well, unless I drink a red bull late in the evening.  I have been irritable, have massive headaches and feel a general lack of energy since I've been cutting back - and it all goes away if I just drink one of those silver and blue cans. 

And it is specific to the can - the reaction to fast to just be caffeine and a physical thing, its a mental tie. 

And I've never been tolerant of actual addition. Prided myself on my ability to flirt with vices, but never go "too far".

So, I'm going to have to kick the habit.  And, I'm going to try to chart my progress.  I have gone searching for any others who have joined this journey - but while I find many of those that glory in their additions, haven't really found much for those who want to kick the monkey.

And ... lets just say, the "pro addict" sights talk about their 1 a day need.  I've been averaging 4 to 6.  And yes, its friggin expensive.  I'm feeling .. accompished that I've been cutting down to two.

So - anyone want to send me the "I told you so" that I have heard from many of you over the years, feel free.  Or whatever else strikes your fancy.

It really sucks that I love the taste ... always have, even before I went "sugar free".
bobthebadger: (Default)
From [profile] mme_moonpie.

"What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing‚Äôs users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish."  I've added a new category "I've been WANTING to read that," and marked that text red

The List )
bobthebadger: (Default)
It was a long night.

The constant noise of music - I can't identify half the stuff they are listening to anymore. A lot of it seemed to have a pounding beat, maybe something to keep them all pounding in time with one another.

They seemed more active in the darkness, though lacking something in the brain. More than teens usually do that is.

I was able to block the doors. Some of the windows I managed to at least reinforce. They haven't figured out they can step up on things yet - instead just flinging themselves against the walls. Especially when they hear noise - or see light.

Max - is being ignored. Apparently they are only interested in humans.

I tried to warn others - but I don't think anyone is believing me. I'm regretting I didn't keep up the survival gear and food stuffs of my youth. Something tells me there won't be any food deliveries when I run out of supplies - and if I lose power, I have trouble I suspect.

When the sun came up - some of them wandered off. There are only two of them out there now. I've thought about making a run for it - the Bronco can drive over them if I have to. I have a few knives, but I'd prefer the Ax - its in the shed though.

Well, theres an update. Greg is home - says Jill and him had been caught away from the house but made it home. He agrees that activity has fallen off a bit with the sunlight. I'm going to make a run for it. Taking the laptop, the Bronco and all the non-perishable food. Greg's place is more secure and he has weapons. It's only a few miles - I'm pretty confident of making it. We'll make plans on getting out of town after that.

Wish me luck - I'm going to try to distract them now and make a break for it.

Found a few more things on the web about whats happening.

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